Omni Writers & Artists

Omni Writers & Artists » me http://www.omniwriters.co.uk All the best writing and art blogs in one place Fri, 30 Jul 2010 06:47:17 +0000 en hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.0 I’ll do it for a Running Skirt http://www.omniwriters.co.uk/2010/01/ill-do-it-for-a-running-skirt/ http://www.omniwriters.co.uk/2010/01/ill-do-it-for-a-running-skirt/#comments Tue, 26 Jan 2010 17:41:18 +0000 Mommy Writer - Bethany Hiitola
Aside from all the "I-wish-I-could-do-that-running-thing" moments, it is also because my weight has gotten out of control. After I had The Peanut I was willing to be a little bit heavy. Being slightly Plus was a-okay as long as I could still have a specialty coffee in the morning with the gooey white chocolate syrup and a juicy hamburger now and again life was good. But then the stress eating started. And really, I don't even want to talk about what that means, other than to say it hasn't been good.

So, I need to do something drastic. Enter, running. Is it ideal? Not sure. But what I do know is that it will force my husband to give me the time I need to actually run. ALONE. And it will force me to be active for at least 20 minutes 3 - 4 times a week. If it can do 1/2 of what it did for The Husband for me (loss of 30+ pounds in 6 months), I'll take it. I need all the help I can get. If I can fit in the cute little running skirt thingies by late summer, you bet your ass I'll do a half marathon in the fall to show that off. But I'll need all the help I can get. I'm not an exercise geek. I get bored with the routine, and I often like to blow off responsibilities to myself like this. I'll need the collective power of the Internet, my Husband, my family and most of all the willpower to keep this going. But the running skirt is my incentive. And an ass that is as hard as a rock.

* Help me make this happen. I'll post "before" and "after" pictures if I make it in the skirt by my birthday (Aug 22).]]> http://www.omniwriters.co.uk/2010/01/ill-do-it-for-a-running-skirt/feed/ 0 Bad Habits are Hard to Break http://www.omniwriters.co.uk/2010/01/bad-habits-are-hard-to-break-2/ http://www.omniwriters.co.uk/2010/01/bad-habits-are-hard-to-break-2/#comments Fri, 22 Jan 2010 21:33:59 +0000 Mommy Writer - Bethany Hiitola didn’t talk about my writing much. For some reason I kept that secret, as if it might hide the “real” me from the rest of the world. Because then, and even now, I can’t write much without the truth seeping in. And God knows, when you are 13 and you are worried about joining chorus, or the hair growing under your arms, you don’t want the entire school making a judgement about you based on that. So notebooks were written in, hidden under the bed, in the drawer and tossed aside in backpacks throughout my childhood. Some were neatly kept hidden in the most safest of spots as it had the best handwritten pieces I could muster. Others were thrown aside in a massive upheaval (or cleaning) attempt made in my room. But the love of writing and being inside myself for extended periods of time was never lost. Even, when I hit college and “real life” when writing wasn’t a priority, I’d find myself jotting down phrases, paragraphs, a few pages of a story in the back of a notebook, only to be tucked (or thrown) away at the end of the semester.

Today, I wish I could say I finally found a way to pull all those stories together and collect myself enough to write endlessly without interruption. But the truth is, my life demands that I am scattered. I have a day job that demands constant attention, children who do the same, and a husband—that although he tries—loves a bit of my attention as well. And when you throw all of that together in 24 hour chunks, there still isn’t a lot of time for writing. Not like there was when I was a teen and my only responsibilities were eating, sleeping, dressing, behaving, and school (that I might add was somewhat easy for me). Though, thinking back, I felt just as scattered then as I do now. Just differently.

I’ve spent the better part of this month trying to regain the diligence I had only three months ago for writing. I’d write if I have 5 minutes or an hour—and time didn’t really matter. I’d take every word and add it to the count. I’d blog, write an essay, outline my next novel idea, and even hammer out a few marketing plans. All while juggling the rest of my life. But then suddenly I let one 15 minute chunk of time pass me by. And then another. Pretty soon I was just letting days and weeks slide where I writing dropped to the lowest priority. Thus, so did my stories/essays/blog posts and my general happiness about working toward my small goal of making my writing into a business after so many years.

One might think it easy to get back on the bandwagon of writing. I mean, I did it once right? How hard can it be to just keep the notebooks lying around, computers open and let the words flow… every 5, 15, or 30 minutes at a time? But have you ever gone on and then OFF a diet? How hard is it to get back on THAT bandwagon? Because really, when you take time that you once used to do one thing (in my case writing) and suddenly have it returned to you to do something else (laundry, diapers, nap, read, television, rest, thinking) giving that time up again to do something else… well isn’t as easy as it sounds. Just like the soda you’ve gotten SO used to having in the afternoon as a pick-me-up suddenly being banned on the new diet. So, alas I’m struggling. With writing. With eating. Thinking outside my normal routine. Becoming creative again. And becoming active again. All at once.

And I’m admitting (again) to being a sporadic type writer. Still writing phrases in notebooks, napkins, and in fragmented computer files on almost every computer I use regularly. Catching moments of brilliance into text messages on my cell phone. Waking before sunrise to sneak a few 100 words into the laptop. And stealing what I can from my creative side of the brain to weave a story, a message, a project together into “something.” I can’t and don’t write for hours at a time. Even when I crave that amount of time for long writing stretches, my mind might implode after 30 minutes or so. Who gets that kind of uninterrupted time? Unless of course you’re writing full time. Or maybe don’t have children or the Internet. But then again, I don’t get caught up in routines. And if writing in 15 minute chunks works for me, I’ll take it. As long as I can start writing again. Each and every 15 minutes I get.]]> http://www.omniwriters.co.uk/2010/01/bad-habits-are-hard-to-break-2/feed/ 0 Bad Habits are Hard to Break http://www.omniwriters.co.uk/2010/01/bad-habits-are-hard-to-break/ http://www.omniwriters.co.uk/2010/01/bad-habits-are-hard-to-break/#comments Fri, 22 Jan 2010 21:33:59 +0000 Mommy Writer - Bethany Hiitola didn’t talk about my writing much. For some reason I kept that secret, as if it might hide the “real” me from the rest of the world. Because then, and even now, I can’t write much without the truth seeping in. And God knows, when you are 13 and you are worried about joining chorus, or the hair growing under your arms, you don’t want the entire school making a judgement about you based on that. So notebooks were written in, hidden under the bed, in the drawer and tossed aside in backpacks throughout my childhood. Some were neatly kept hidden in the most safest of spots as it had the best handwritten pieces I could muster. Others were thrown aside in a massive upheaval (or cleaning) attempt made in my room. But the love of writing and being inside myself for extended periods of time was never lost. Even, when I hit college and “real life” when writing wasn’t a priority, I’d find myself jotting down phrases, paragraphs, a few pages of a story in the back of a notebook, only to be tucked (or thrown) away at the end of the semester.

Today, I wish I could say I finally found a way to pull all those stories together and collect myself enough to write endlessly without interruption. But the truth is, my life demands that I am scattered. I have a day job that demands constant attention, children who do the same, and a husband—that although he tries—loves a bit of my attention as well. And when you throw all of that together in 24 hour chunks, there still isn’t a lot of time for writing. Not like there was when I was a teen and my only responsibilities were eating, sleeping, dressing, behaving, and school (that I might add was somewhat easy for me). Though, thinking back, I felt just as scattered then as I do now. Just differently.

I’ve spent the better part of this month trying to regain the diligence I had only three months ago for writing. I’d write if I have 5 minutes or an hour—and time didn’t really matter. I’d take every word and add it to the count. I’d blog, write an essay, outline my next novel idea, and even hammer out a few marketing plans. All while juggling the rest of my life. But then suddenly I let one 15 minute chunk of time pass me by. And then another. Pretty soon I was just letting days and weeks slide where I writing dropped to the lowest priority. Thus, so did my stories/essays/blog posts and my general happiness about working toward my small goal of making my writing into a business after so many years.

One might think it easy to get back on the bandwagon of writing. I mean, I did it once right? How hard can it be to just keep the notebooks lying around, computers open and let the words flow… every 5, 15, or 30 minutes at a time? But have you ever gone on and then OFF a diet? How hard is it to get back on THAT bandwagon? Because really, when you take time that you once used to do one thing (in my case writing) and suddenly have it returned to you to do something else (laundry, diapers, nap, read, television, rest, thinking) giving that time up again to do something else… well isn’t as easy as it sounds. Just like the soda you’ve gotten SO used to having in the afternoon as a pick-me-up suddenly being banned on the new diet. So, alas I’m struggling. With writing. With eating. Thinking outside my normal routine. Becoming creative again. And becoming active again. All at once.

And I’m admitting (again) to being a sporadic type writer. Still writing phrases in notebooks, napkins, and in fragmented computer files on almost every computer I use regularly. Catching moments of brilliance into text messages on my cell phone. Waking before sunrise to sneak a few 100 words into the laptop. And stealing what I can from my creative side of the brain to weave a story, a message, a project together into “something.” I can’t and don’t write for hours at a time. Even when I crave that amount of time for long writing stretches, my mind might implode after 30 minutes or so. Who gets that kind of uninterrupted time? Unless of course you’re writing full time. Or maybe don’t have children or the Internet. But then again, I don’t get caught up in routines. And if writing in 15 minute chunks works for me, I’ll take it. As long as I can start writing again. Each and every 15 minutes I get.]]> http://www.omniwriters.co.uk/2010/01/bad-habits-are-hard-to-break/feed/ 0 When all else fails… procrastinate http://www.omniwriters.co.uk/2010/01/when-all-else-fails-procrastinate/ http://www.omniwriters.co.uk/2010/01/when-all-else-fails-procrastinate/#comments Fri, 22 Jan 2010 01:39:16 +0000 Mommy Writer - Bethany Hiitola
Laundry is half done. I have work projects that have been stagnant for a year that I am finally getting around to following up with, and I am even blogging. I'm classic for this sort of procrastination. I'm trying to pin it on a weekend getaway--you know one of those Get Me Out of the House Alone moments and stretch it into an entire weekend to get away and be me, but it isn't likely to happen. No one person's fault really- we've got races to run (well the Husband has that), Tiger Scout meetings, and a million other errands that need running that I feel I should take my part. But maybe I'll stretch it into a long afternoon. Or some quiet time in the wee hours of the night. I don't know. These characters are kinda secretive. But I know when their ready (and I'm ready), I'm not sure I'll be able to slow down even if I want to.

I. Can't. Wait.]]> http://www.omniwriters.co.uk/2010/01/when-all-else-fails-procrastinate/feed/ 0 Simple. Concise. Goal-making. http://www.omniwriters.co.uk/2010/01/simple-concise-goal-making/ http://www.omniwriters.co.uk/2010/01/simple-concise-goal-making/#comments Thu, 21 Jan 2010 01:02:09 +0000 Mommy Writer - Bethany Hiitola very well again. It might be work creeping into my brain, or no exercise in my routine, or the fact that I am drinking more caffeine than ever or a 2-year-old who has pneumonia again... Regardless it is doing nothing for me but making me cranky and restless. And that focus I need to get the day job stuff done AND write in the evenings? Oh so non-existent. So, I'm back to making small short term goals. This week-- going to cut down to only 3 coffees a week in the mornings. And drink more water.

But it brings up something I've forgotten this year. Short term goals. I haven't made any yet this year. And thus haven't been writing much except for the book under contract. Sure, writing is writing... but writing my fiction and personal essays are a passion. And one I have lost a bit this year. If the blog entries are any indication, I've completely jumped ship.

So by the end of next month I have 2 small goals: submit 2 pieces of work for publishing.

That's it. Simple. Concise. And pretty "open" in terms of rules. Add that to the less caffeine and more water goal and it sounds like I am making new year resolutions. I better stop while I am ahead.]]> http://www.omniwriters.co.uk/2010/01/simple-concise-goal-making/feed/ 0 New Year, Mediocre Outlook http://www.omniwriters.co.uk/2010/01/new-year-mediocre-outlook/ http://www.omniwriters.co.uk/2010/01/new-year-mediocre-outlook/#comments Wed, 06 Jan 2010 15:54:30 +0000 Mommy Writer - Bethany Hiitola
Undoubtedly, if you corralled 30 bloggers in a room, you'd get any number of answers to these questions. But for me, it forced me to at least think about writing every day. Even if--as you can see--I didn't. And it forced me to spend time writing (when I indeed put my ass in the chair and did it) what I liked to write. Then, with luck, I'd move over and start writing a bit of fiction afterward. So it was a win-win for me. Regardless of hit numbers and what I actually wrote here as far as content and its entertainment value.

Which brings me to the point of this all. I'll still be blogging this year. I can say with great confidence, it likely isn't going to be as regularly as it was in 2006 when I was blogging almost every day. But I will be blogging. And tweeting. And trying to keep up my writing. Even when it is hard and difficult and doesn't jive with my day-job work life. Which right now, unfortunately, is MOST of the time. But I refuse to give up the dream of writing on my own terms. So, I begin again, making the ONLY new year resolution I ever make. And that is, to KEEP WRITING.

Happy New Year All.]]> http://www.omniwriters.co.uk/2010/01/new-year-mediocre-outlook/feed/ 0 Something out of the ordinary http://www.omniwriters.co.uk/2009/12/something-out-of-the-ordinary/ http://www.omniwriters.co.uk/2009/12/something-out-of-the-ordinary/#comments Sun, 06 Dec 2009 23:51:02 +0000 Mommy Writer - Bethany Hiitola
- still working some crazy hours, but at least now I can try to off load on a new person. One I am trying train in between the chaos of deadlines. But help nonetheless

- my daughter is still nursing. I've been done with it for over 3 months now, but too tired to try to deal with the screaming and weaning mix that will have to happen for her to quit. She's attached and I'm exhausted so we are still doing that dance. Hopefully she'll kick the habit before potty training

- oh and my husband still leaves clothes at the end of the bed, on the floor, and I'm driven so bonkers by this fact I pick them up daily so that I can walk by without tripping on jeans or shoes, or God forbid underwear, but alas, he's my husband and it is the whole til death to us part

But then there are the other days. The ones where things sorta don't go my way and we have some extra-ordinary circumstances. Like say a few weeks ago when I smashed my face into some concrete.

Think I am kidding? Well no. I just tripped on a bit-higher-than-normal curb and suddenly find myself intimate with the concrete. Would have been all fun and gritty if it weren't for the blood. And sudden missing of part of my front tooth. And the swelling. And the look of my son's face when I looked up at him after my fall--he paled and almost fainted. It was as bad as he reacted.

Concrete burn bad, that landed on my chin, lips, nose, and where I might have a woman-stache. It looked awful. And was compounded by the fact that I lost part of my tooth. All on a typical Saturday night, on the way to dinner. We managed dinner somehow. Well everyone ELSE managed dinner, I was putting cool napkins of ice to my face and walking to the restroom every 5 minutes to see if I could still recognize my face. And my daughter sat comfortably on my husband's lap the entire time (apparently scabbed and bloody faces scare her).

I even landed at work the next day caked in 5 lbs of make-up with lips that looked like I'd just had a huge Botox job on on them. And then next day much of the same. 3 weeks later, I have my tooth fixed, mild redness left on my chin and woman-stache and a bit of some scar tissue inside my lips. And I've almost forgotten how absolutely ridiculous I looked when my face hit the pavement outside the trendy restaurant with an audience of a half dozen.]]> http://www.omniwriters.co.uk/2009/12/something-out-of-the-ordinary/feed/ 0 The BEST MOMENT EVER http://www.omniwriters.co.uk/2009/11/the-best-moment-ever/ http://www.omniwriters.co.uk/2009/11/the-best-moment-ever/#comments Wed, 04 Nov 2009 19:41:00 +0000 Mommy Writer - Bethany Hiitola

She says, "Night, night Mommy." And pats my back. Then leans THIS CLOSE to my face and gives me one of those kisses you just want to remember forever.

Grinning I give her a kiss back. Then she says, "Mooooommmy," very quietly and touches my eyes. That's the sign to close them. And just as I do, I hear even more quiet, "Tinkle, Tinkle, lil star.....how wonder where are......"

I try to peak at her, but get scolded, "Mommy, shhhhhhh. Night time."

And again, with the song (though this time louder), "Tinkle, Tinkle, Lil STAR...." for about 12 times or so.

Maybe it's me, the mom, but hell, I don't remember the last time I was sung to sleep. And it was even better when I nodded off and awoke to that same little girl asleep next to me only a short hour later.

Twinkle, Twinkle Little Start has a whole new place in my heart.

* Don't judge people. I let her stay up after 8pm. We're both happy. It works for us.

]]> http://www.omniwriters.co.uk/2009/11/the-best-moment-ever/feed/ 0 Facts of Life http://www.omniwriters.co.uk/2009/10/facts-of-life/ http://www.omniwriters.co.uk/2009/10/facts-of-life/#comments Fri, 30 Oct 2009 03:31:00 +0000 Mommy Writer - Bethany Hiitola

1) it is a matter of time before I fall over from exhaustion

2) life is too short to waste time worrying about over half the items on my daily to do list

But alas, I am still here struggling to find a way to still do everything that entails my day job and I'm not sleeping well dealing with all those little things. Sure "no one is going to die" if I miss a deadline or not meet expectations, but that is easier to say then do (as in, literally drop the ball on a project and have someone come scold me for it).

So, my Friday and Saturday nights have now become working ones--whether day job or the extra writing night job. And I am trying to hire help (know any marketing writers that are technology geeks that live in Northern Illinois?). And trying to still write and blog and do all the things that make me happy (kissing/hugging/cuddling with kids and husband aside. We do that REGARDLESS of the rest). Someday this economy has to come back in full force. And then the rest will follow suit. Right?

]]> http://www.omniwriters.co.uk/2009/10/facts-of-life/feed/ 0 Sit! http://www.omniwriters.co.uk/2009/10/sit/ http://www.omniwriters.co.uk/2009/10/sit/#comments Tue, 27 Oct 2009 18:29:26 +0000 Mommy Writer - Bethany Hiitola exclamation) so that she can do your hair?

Maybe it is a hint that I need something done with the hair. I know it's been over the 6 week recommendation. But so has that nagging dentist appointment. Or annual exam thing. And that hasn't put any fire under my ass to get any of that done.

Well regardless, she's doing a decent job when she's not knotting my bangs in the comb. So I guess I'll let her have the fun. Hell, it's better than taking that call. Or working.

]]> http://www.omniwriters.co.uk/2009/10/sit/feed/ 0 It’s the weekend right? http://www.omniwriters.co.uk/2009/10/its-the-weekend-right/ http://www.omniwriters.co.uk/2009/10/its-the-weekend-right/#comments Sat, 17 Oct 2009 21:52:10 +0000 Mommy Writer - Bethany Hiitola
But good things have happened too. The husband ran his first marathon (this merits a post on its own), my son is loving 1st grade, my daughter got her first day care injury, and I am over half way done with the book I am writing that is under contract.

It also has some bad things--my eating habits are shit, I haven't slept well in over 2 months (and likely going to stay that way), hair cuts are a thing of my past, and I don't have a babysitter for any evening and weekend time I'd like to get away.

Honestly, I'll get back to writing here sometime. It's a lifeline for me. I just can't promise when. If I try to say next week, inevitably work life will fall apart. Or God forbid the pneumonia that hit my kids will find its way into my lungs. So let's just say... sometime in the future shall we?]]> http://www.omniwriters.co.uk/2009/10/its-the-weekend-right/feed/ 0 It’s the weekend right? http://www.omniwriters.co.uk/2009/10/its-the-weekend-right-2/ http://www.omniwriters.co.uk/2009/10/its-the-weekend-right-2/#comments Sat, 17 Oct 2009 21:52:10 +0000 Mommy Writer - Bethany Hiitola
But good things have happened too. The husband ran his first marathon (this merits a post on its own), my son is loving 1st grade, my daughter got her first day care injury, and I am over half way done with the book I am writing that is under contract.

It also has some bad things--my eating habits are shit, I haven't slept well in over 2 months (and likely going to stay that way), hair cuts are a thing of my past, and I don't have a babysitter for any evening and weekend time I'd like to get away.

Honestly, I'll get back to writing here sometime. It's a lifeline for me. I just can't promise when. If I try to say next week, inevitably work life will fall apart. Or God forbid the pneumonia that hit my kids will find its way into my lungs. So let's just say... sometime in the future shall we?]]> http://www.omniwriters.co.uk/2009/10/its-the-weekend-right-2/feed/ 0 Ever wonder what DOESN’T get published? http://www.omniwriters.co.uk/2009/09/ever-wonder-what-doesnt-get-published/ http://www.omniwriters.co.uk/2009/09/ever-wonder-what-doesnt-get-published/#comments Sat, 26 Sep 2009 20:08:57 +0000 Mommy Writer - Bethany Hiitola
To not let the words die, I'm sharing The Lost Posts today (that and the fact I am under deadline for the next chapter of under-contract book. Can't let another day procrastinating on that get in the way). So, without further ado.... here's 2 that didn't make the cut or past the Draft folder until now.

LOST POST #1: Writing with One

They say write and it will come. It being the famous bloggy type topic that will keep the Internet Masses entertained. At the moment, I am doubtful of the advice. Since I am sitting smack dab center of a bustling cafe waiting for inspiration. And I am still writing with little coming to me to complete this post.

Except maybe the fact that at least 4 people are watching me right now thinking that I am not really writing and just "acting" like I am writing (yes people. I have a finished novel out there. Well at least with my agent. Another one is right here on my hard drive. I just need to like the ending before I send it off).

Oh and then there is the whole mess with the house. Which I really don't want to talk about. Because well, it is going miserably. And I just don't have enough energy to even blog about its mess. Plus, who knows who reads this blog. I could piss off some more people.

Pregnancy. Yeah. That can always e a topic. But hell, if i start down that path, that is all I will talk about. And you all will be bored. Just like the writing topic. Sure the blog is named Mommy Writer. And I have a lot to say about all that stuff. It would be nice today to not be those things. Or be those things but talk about something more interesting. but my life is not full of anything more interesting at the moment.

See? Now 10 minutes later and I am still where I was. Writing with no topic. This writing and blogging business. It's for the birds.

A little background on that one, it is over 3 years old. We owned 2 homes, had 2 mortgages, and were likely at least 3 months away from any sort of sale on the first home. and yes, pregnant. And working. And absolutely trying to take advantage of life with only 1 kid and write a little.

LOST POST #2: It Started When....

Wait. It's an hour ahead of where it was yesterday? An hour faster? Slower? Can't we just keep the time the way it is. Screw the light and dark thing. Seriously. It just messes with my internal clock that is constantly telling me to get more sleep. But this time around--this earlier than normal crap--really has me reeling. I can't keep anything straight.

Today (oh shit, now it is actually yesterday) was a prime example. Birthday party madness for a family member. We get up, eat a small breakfast, shower, dress everyone, run ONE errand--oh and look at that. We are late. ONE HOUR EXACTLY late to this party. Now, if it had been the "old" time... well, we'd be on time wouldn't we?

I can only imagine how tomorrow--oh wait, I mean how TODAY--is going to go at work. Oh you bet your booty I'll say this more than once, "Now it it were the old time..." Let's just hope I make it to the morning meeting on time. I don't think the Daylight Savings Excuse will cut it. Especially after having one practice day that I totally blew off the radar. Or the fact that I am again up late. But hey, no one needs to know my ailments do they? Oh wait, I just spent three posts complaining of my various medical predicaments. Why not tell the world about my psychotic tendencies. It should make for good blogging fodder. Or the next Thanksgiving meal conversation.

This one is about a year old or so. It's sorta sill right? Or maybe just lame. Either way, it probably was better to stay in the Drafts.

I'm sure you just found me that little bit less interesting. Re-reading them, I am tending to agree. But, that's a conversation for another day. I have to get to that chapter.]]> http://www.omniwriters.co.uk/2009/09/ever-wonder-what-doesnt-get-published/feed/ 0 It’s all a bit scary http://www.omniwriters.co.uk/2009/09/its-all-a-bit-scary/ http://www.omniwriters.co.uk/2009/09/its-all-a-bit-scary/#comments Sun, 20 Sep 2009 21:19:52 +0000 Mommy Writer - Bethany Hiitola Scaaaaarrrrrrryy!" is the first 4o times she comes running to me for that reassuring hug. I've actually just confirmed I've scarred my daughter for life.

Back story. We're in St. Louis enjoying a family trip to somewhere new. We'd had a lovely breakfast at this downtown joint called Rooster. Mimosas were enjoyed, a crying fit from The Peanut, and a $60 bill that was so worth it to feel this lovely/urban/chic-ness that is foreign to me under my normal daily activities. Then the elevator ride to the top of the Arch and more meandering of the the downtown area. Fast-forward through a handful of other touristy things to the Mississippi steam boat ride (we had the pleasure of sailing on the Tom Sawyer). It's 45 minutes in, The Peanut had decided that she must nurse--no matter who is watching and where, because DAMMIT she is tired. So we did. And she fell into a peaceful sleep that let me enjoy the last bit of the ride. Until we had to do the required horn blowing riverboat crap that allows us to dock again.

Let's just put it simply-it scared the shit out of her. Being that she was sleeping, it was worse than a normal horn blowing situation (if there is such a thing).

And now every noise--loud or soft--is a scary ordeal. "Scary! Scary Mom!"

Who knew this scarring business is so easy? And now, I'll be the brunt of every scary noise threat she hears for the next 16 years.]]> http://www.omniwriters.co.uk/2009/09/its-all-a-bit-scary/feed/ 0 So much to talk about, so little time http://www.omniwriters.co.uk/2009/09/so-much-to-talk-about-so-little-time/ http://www.omniwriters.co.uk/2009/09/so-much-to-talk-about-so-little-time/#comments Fri, 11 Sep 2009 16:38:33 +0000 Mommy Writer - Bethany Hiitola
- How my son now has to bring only FRUIT or VEGETABLES for snack time at school. Seriously? I mean, I get the no candy or soda thing, but only fruits and veggies? What gives the teachers the right to do that?

- Or how suddenly my son hits the 1st grade, gets a locker of his own, and he's grown up. As in really grown up and I wonder where the time went

- And the book contract, the chapters I am turning in, and how I wanted to be more prepared for this but instead am delivering chapters up the very last second. And the amazing story of how the book came to be. My lovely editor. My life as a real paid-writer-under-contract life.

- Or how work, again, is sorta eating up my life. So I twitter. And Facebook since I can do it well from my phone. But this blogging thing--important to me as it is--has been left by the wayside and I'm disappointed by this and myself

- A gazillion daily things about my daughter. How she sings songs in the car, runs up to me to ask for "halp," and how she has so much love of life I am jealous or her zeal for life

- And of course all the little and big plans I have for writing. I have a novel swimming in my head I need to get out. I have a few short stories in there too that are insisting I write them now but I can't get a few hours to do so but yet they continue to sit there and wait (and when I finally do write them, they'll be posted and announced like the other one).

And so much more. I've just turned into a bulleted list since I can't form any sentences that string together any more. So hope--no PRAY--time gives me a chance and I can change these bullets into something better. Something productive. Something create. And the blog comes back to life. I really do have a ton to share. Just no time to share it.]]> http://www.omniwriters.co.uk/2009/09/so-much-to-talk-about-so-little-time/feed/ 0 Still Counting… http://www.omniwriters.co.uk/2009/08/still-counting/ http://www.omniwriters.co.uk/2009/08/still-counting/#comments Wed, 26 Aug 2009 04:21:50 +0000 Mommy Writer - Bethany Hiitola
(That's right, BUT)... am forcing myself to keep this a vacation. No work emails. No calls. No text messages. Nothing until I set foot onto the premises on Thursday morning. That being said, it is Tuesday night, there's a small thunderstorm outside that has some rain hitting the roof and my world seems almost peaceful. At least for the moment until I remember I have bills to pay, rooms to paint, and a book chapter due in less than 5 days. But hey, who's counting. I'm STILL on vacation right now. And when one is on vacation... we ignore everything else for a short spell.]]> http://www.omniwriters.co.uk/2009/08/still-counting/feed/ 0 On the Road Again http://www.omniwriters.co.uk/2009/08/on-the-road-again-2/ http://www.omniwriters.co.uk/2009/08/on-the-road-again-2/#comments Mon, 17 Aug 2009 19:56:21 +0000 Mommy Writer - Bethany Hiitola my theory on keeping the creativity (and spice) in your life going. Trying new things. Being in new places. Trying on new hair colors, clothing, shoes and anything else that makes you feel a wee bit better about yourself. Including being surrounded by surroundings you've never seen in your life. With that philosophy and the fact that I am a bit over-run with work, life, and all that jazz we've decided (as in the family unit) that it's time to go to some uncharted territory.

The rules were simple: some place within a day drive, close enough we wouldn't strangle the kids and yet kill ourselves in getting, and it had to have some 'attraction' we were willing to drop some cash in seeing. Not the Mystery Spot or say a sandy hill or anything like that, a cool attraction. So we're off. To St. Louis. And we're going to have fun damn it! (And to hell with work, I've put in for my vacation and there's not a damn thing they can do about it).

It will all be interesting. We have the GPS on hand, hotels we've never seen but in Internet pictures book--and a book deadline that lands right in the middle of the vacation (really. And I haven't even started that portion of the book yet. But it is on my lengthy to do list to prepare for leaving town.)

So with constant reminders to coworkers that I will INDEED be out of the office with NO access to email, cell phones or anything remotely work related, I'm starting the decent into the unknown. With a smile on my face and a must-do before road-trip list that includes things like-- writing a blog post, writing the next few chapters of the book, packing for everyone, cleaning cat liter boxes, prepping dog for stay at relatives... and so, so much more that is uniquely fascinating and boring at the same time. You'll either hear from me during or when it's over since the chance of a laptop making its way into the packing gear is at about a %200 chance. That laptop will be the personal one too... for the book deadline, for a blog post, for offloading a camera full of pictures, for the fun stuff (really, no day job I swear). So stay tuned. Fun times ahead. And I'll be documenting them. From a new perspective anyway. One that is about 400 miles away from this one.]]> http://www.omniwriters.co.uk/2009/08/on-the-road-again-2/feed/ 0 Lost in the Trees http://www.omniwriters.co.uk/2009/08/lost-in-the-trees-2/ http://www.omniwriters.co.uk/2009/08/lost-in-the-trees-2/#comments Mon, 17 Aug 2009 19:27:11 +0000 Mommy Writer - Bethany Hiitola
Not literally, of course. Just metaphorically speaking. With impossible demands in my day job and a schedule that goes along with the ride, my life is nothing short of chaotic. A whirlwind of waking, feeding, cleansing, mothering, working, domesticating, and repeating over and over again-- I am forgetting what is important. Particularly what is important to me in the long run.

Of course this sudden retrospect couldn't come at a worse time. The Peanut is still clingy, summer work schedules are colliding (coverage at the office for vacations; getting ready for huge product launches), and I just had a performance evaluation at work. The latter went well. Really well considering we are working with less staff and supporting more. And therein lies over half my problems.

The Boss loves the work and wants more. Of course. That is his job too I suppose. I just want to find a balance with THAT work and what I really want to be doing (writing for myself). With the grandiose plans he's preparing for and the work I know that comes along with all that? Well, time for myself (and any projects that would fit in that time) is going to be nonexistent. Not that it really isn't that way now. But even more so. And, I'm not an idiot, I see it all coming at me without much I can do about it but watch it come crashing down.

And then try to find MY life in between all the pieces. Which is 10 times easier said than done when you have new school years starting, a husband that is marathon training, mouths to feed, and a house to clean.

But am afraid if I don't stand up now and acknowledge my dreams are slipping away... no one else will notice. Nor will they do a damn thing about it. But therein lies yet another problem. How does one set boundaries between work and family when well, those boundaries have already been crossed 100 times (calls after hours, working til wee hours of the morning, sick day calls, midnight deadlines...)? It's all very complicated because having 2 kids means my schedule needs to be flexible and when it is flexible then all those late night/early morning/when-I-really-don't-want-to-be-interrupted times get interrupted to accommodate.

I've made my peace with The Husband--well actually my new book contract did. I'm getting time on the weekends to work on The Book. But not without a lot of guilt from me. Some finagling. Some persuasion and a lot of hard work. Even though I had 10 days to get my shit together for that first deadline, it didn't happen because of schedules. Of camp, sitter, day job deadlines and my need for sleep. I mean, these days, I might have to give that up to get myself any bit of leeway. And it's a bit rough when I am already losing it thinking about everything else that needs to be done.

I think I'll start taking a look at MY life and the life I WANT to lead and see how I can bend the rules a bit in my favor for once. Like, take that extra half day off for work for the fun stuff. Not just a pedicure and massage (I wish!) but to write. Turn off cell phones, email, text messages, and TAKE the time for myself. And my dreams. The world won't fall apart will it? Because right now, if I don't take what's mine... well, I'm afraid 10 years from now I'll be running the same race. Just different surroundings.]]> http://www.omniwriters.co.uk/2009/08/lost-in-the-trees-2/feed/ 0 Weighing Chocolate http://www.omniwriters.co.uk/2009/07/weighing-chocolate-2/ http://www.omniwriters.co.uk/2009/07/weighing-chocolate-2/#comments Thu, 30 Jul 2009 11:03:00 +0000 Mommy Writer - Bethany Hiitola
Don’t give me the workout line. Trust me, I know a dose of running, exercise, anything physical would do be a lot of good in the ways of the stress free as well as just in general--but you tell me when to find the time. At 5am you say? Sure, right after I just awoke at 4 with The Peanut. And my time to write. Or say shower. Really. It’s next to impossible to find the time to eat on most days, so exercise is a bit lower on that priority list for the time being.

But let’s get back to the main topic at hand. My weight. My stress. And My craving for chocolate. How does one deal with the balance of these? The weight and stress are the larger issues… and I could go on and on with plans on bow to deal with this, but really none are too practical. And right now, practical stability is the key. So I have to deal with what I can control--the chocolate thing.]]> http://www.omniwriters.co.uk/2009/07/weighing-chocolate-2/feed/ 0 30 Minutes of Life http://www.omniwriters.co.uk/2009/07/30-minutes-of-life-2/ http://www.omniwriters.co.uk/2009/07/30-minutes-of-life-2/#comments Tue, 28 Jul 2009 11:54:00 +0000 Mommy Writer - Bethany Hiitola
Let me ask you, is this any way to live? Can I not find time to get 10 minutes of down time?

So, since I’m in dream world, if I had 30 minutes when I came home from work to be responsibility free-- meaning no kids, no animals, no husbands, and no dishes or laundry waiting to be washed (or a house to pick up), I’d spend that time doing any one (or all) of the following:

- lying on the couch staring at the ceiling. Deep breaths are optional.
- call a girlfriend and have a chat. A good, heart warming chat about our lives and what they have become
- write a blog post
- have a glass of wine
- run
- soak in a bath
- go to the restroom unfollowed or interrupted
- make and enjoy a coffee in its completeness
- watch an episode of Eli Stone (have the entire first season on DVD and have yet to even see more than 7 minutes of it
- write more of a novel that is hopefully in progress
- surf the web
- dream
- sing
- dance

And how about just generally relax? Seriously. That half hour might give me a small bit of my pre-kid life back. Except there would be a lot less giggles, screaming, and of course, “Mommas.” And that I just couldn’t have. I just want 30 minutes of the old life.]]> http://www.omniwriters.co.uk/2009/07/30-minutes-of-life-2/feed/ 0 Happy Day http://www.omniwriters.co.uk/2009/07/happy-day-2/ http://www.omniwriters.co.uk/2009/07/happy-day-2/#comments Sat, 25 Jul 2009 03:49:27 +0000 Mommy Writer - Bethany Hiitola
It’s fun. Particularly when you add in the young ones. They sing, dance, blow out candles and have sugar highs that are above anything else that you have ever seen (imagine midnight and the children still running around the yard and through a sprinkler). But it’s summer and I don’t mind.

Already this summer we’ve had 3 of these events. And the last, was The Husband’s. Which, this year, was just an ice cream cake and some singing at home. But a week later, I am still hearing the loveliness called my daughter.

“Happy Day!” Jump, jump, jump. “Happy, Happy Day!” she screams from around the living room.

At first we all thought she was just having… well, a HAPPY DAY. But she shook her head no at our inquiries. Until, the Husband, the smart one of the bunch, watched her dance her Robee doll around the room singing more “Happy Day! Happy Day!” and asked, “Are you singing Happy Birthday?”

Her wide smile was the answer and she stomped a few more times around the ottoman and started in on the chorus again, “Happy Day. Happy, happy day!”

Right then and there, I knew my daughter was sent here from some higher power. How can you not LOVE a chorus of Happy Days for the next month? Seriously. I need a reminder daily to have a Happy Day. Whether it is a birthday or not. And especially when I grow a year older.]]> http://www.omniwriters.co.uk/2009/07/happy-day-2/feed/ 0 Conversation with an almost 2 year old http://www.omniwriters.co.uk/2009/07/conversation-with-an-almost-2-year-old-2/ http://www.omniwriters.co.uk/2009/07/conversation-with-an-almost-2-year-old-2/#comments Sat, 18 Jul 2009 16:22:20 +0000 Mommy Writer - Bethany Hiitola Yuuuu tire? Yuuuu tire?"

Blank stare into my daughter's very questioning eyes.

"You tire?"

"Am I tired?"

Affirmative shake of the head.

"Yes, I am honey. Are you?"

"Go Nie, nie. Pleeeeze," and she runs to the bedroom.

Who am I to argue?]]> http://www.omniwriters.co.uk/2009/07/conversation-with-an-almost-2-year-old-2/feed/ 0 Has Left the Building http://www.omniwriters.co.uk/2009/07/has-left-the-building-2/ http://www.omniwriters.co.uk/2009/07/has-left-the-building-2/#comments Sat, 11 Jul 2009 21:16:24 +0000 Mommy Writer - Bethany Hiitola ve been in blog land huh? Tis life. I’m sick of apologizing for it. My life is a bit of chaos with the kids and summer and camps and vacations and a whole bunch of day job stuff that just will never end. So, I write when I can. And I have to prioritize what I write and when. Right now, the blog is last on the list (sorry folks). I need to actually write another novel before I decide not to. So, that is what I am doing. And mothering and working and cleaning and laundry. And well, you know what I mean.

But hey, how’s this Chicago weather--aside from sticky, wet, humid, and EXTREMELY hot? Ugh. It has my make up melting off my face before I leave my garage and my hair flat and greasy even before I get out of my bathroom. But I’m trying to look spectacular. Really I am. Drinking more water, giving up greasy hamburgers sometimes, and trying to eat regularly near the same time every day (at the day job this is difficult as people keep scheduling meetings during a normal lunch hour). So, hey, I’m trying. I won’t be in bikini shape by the end of summer (hell, it’s about half over). But at least I will e in better shape. Right?

And for even more un-connected thoughts for the day--can someone tell me how to get my almost-2-year-old daughter to not hang on my leg constantly? I’d love any advice on this matter. It is almost causing me to want to leave for an extended vacation more than my day job. Almost. See, she’s cuter, funnier, and can make me melt by just blowing me a kiss and saying, “Momma. Miss you.” So, she’ll always win. But I still need a way to gain some sanity back in the evenings. Chanting, “This too shall pass,” isn’t pacifying my sanity any longer.

Now I am off to enjoy the rest of my challenging day of chasing down people and sitting in meetings. And, maybe my novel.]]> http://www.omniwriters.co.uk/2009/07/has-left-the-building-2/feed/ 0 Where in the world? http://www.omniwriters.co.uk/2009/06/where-in-the-world-2/ http://www.omniwriters.co.uk/2009/06/where-in-the-world-2/#comments Sun, 28 Jun 2009 04:13:36 +0000 Mommy Writer - Bethany Hiitola That writing.

Between caring and keeping my family sane, my day job, drinking more water, eating less red meat, cleaning, laundry, dishes, picking up toys again and again and again--as well as showering and all that cleansing stuff--there isn't but a whole 5 minutes left. Even when I use my grand plans of using 10 minutes of down time wisely (nice thought, but when barely have time to go to the bathroom, you take the necessity over the nicety).

So here I finally sit at close to midnight, just NOW getting a free moment--staring at a cursor. And a blog that hasn't been updated in about 20 days. And a master bedroom that is overflowing with laundry. A sink full of dishes and toys piling at my feet.

It's amazing. My muse sometimes will flutter around in my head when I am the busiest of busiest. Whispering sweet story ideas, plots, and characters into my left ear. And it floats around in my head until I can find any moment to get it down onto paper (virtual or not). But lately? The must has run off for greener pastures. My life seems to full for her and she's a bit pissed off. The better part of myself agrees and is ready to do the same. Especially when a reprieve is nothing more than a pipe dream at the moment.

But, I've decided to hell with it all. I submitted non-fiction work to a publisher. And I'm even going to bust my ass to submit a small piece to a local contest. If I get picked up by a publisher my life will turn into even more chaos and I'll scold myself continuously, but damn. Kill me or not, I can't let this dream die. My soul might just go with it. So, I'm off to write. Even if for a an hour tonight. Or 10 minutes tomorrow. I'm entering the damn contest too. Because it's my dream, and I'm the only one that can make it happen.]]> http://www.omniwriters.co.uk/2009/06/where-in-the-world-2/feed/ 0 I’m sorry, I didn’t hear you… http://www.omniwriters.co.uk/2009/06/im-sorry-i-didnt-hear-you-2/ http://www.omniwriters.co.uk/2009/06/im-sorry-i-didnt-hear-you-2/#comments Mon, 08 Jun 2009 04:02:55 +0000 Mommy Writer - Bethany Hiitola odd trying to decipher muffled conversations, turning my head to hear important ones, and to just be all out, not really together when I'm trying to have conversations with just about everyone. And after 5 days, it's becoming a bit of an annoyance.

I can't seem to even think straight--even my conscience keeps chirping, "I still can't hear out of my right ear!" And believe me when I tell you, tomorrow will be more than interesting. Trying to decipher Corporate lingo during a morning full of meetings with less than stellar ear canals could be blessing in disguise. Or the worst day of my life if I get caught up in a bunch of follow up items. Not to mention conference calls. It's my phone ear. And even in the last 5 days I still haven't adjusted to placing a phone on my left ear.

So, I expect a day full of, "What?", "Sorry, could you repeat that..." and "Huh?!?!" and then a few eye rolls from those that know me (and don't). Sure it might be easier to explain the whole ear infection thing, but then I'd be backed away from like the plague. It's called germs, viruses, and sickness. My house has been swimming with it, not like I need to pass it around.]]> http://www.omniwriters.co.uk/2009/06/im-sorry-i-didnt-hear-you-2/feed/ 0 Ideas, they always seem better in my head http://www.omniwriters.co.uk/2009/06/ideas-they-always-seem-better-in-my-head-2/ http://www.omniwriters.co.uk/2009/06/ideas-they-always-seem-better-in-my-head-2/#comments Sat, 06 Jun 2009 16:08:00 +0000 Mommy Writer - Bethany Hiitola
That is, until when I actually do sit down to type/write/stutter out the fragments of the idea into something more official. Whether that be in an electronic document, piece of paper or just verbalizing it to my husband. Then… it all gets ruined. The idea suddenly becomes real and I find holes in the plot that seemed so flawless only moments before. The characters, superficial. And well the idea, just not quite where it needs to be. And, yet, I still take the time to continue writing it all down. Every piece of inspiration. Just in case I need an idea to grow into something more.

Though the doubts that start when I start writing? Never go away. In fact, I think more and more of them creep up the more I write the story. I’m convinced it has to do with the fact that I am *actually* writing and progressing and doing what I want to do. The little old thing called FEAR has weird ways of trying to ruin your plans. And right now, I’m just going to blame him for how I feel about that idea. Because the other part of my brain--the better half--still likes it. And thinks with a bit more tweaking (and letting go), the great parts of it just might come out and play. If I let it. And right now, I have nothing else to lose. Except, the excitement that is all in my head.]]> http://www.omniwriters.co.uk/2009/06/ideas-they-always-seem-better-in-my-head-2/feed/ 0 Mr. & Mrs. http://www.omniwriters.co.uk/2009/06/mr-mrs-2/ http://www.omniwriters.co.uk/2009/06/mr-mrs-2/#comments Fri, 05 Jun 2009 11:07:00 +0000 Mommy Writer - Bethany Hiitola Hiitola. Except maybe the damn telemarketers. And then I became The Kiddo’s Mom. You know at those play date or kid functions and they need a way to refer to the various parents sitting around. I’ve grown used to that one, far more than my own name these days as my kid schedule has suddenly quadrupled with activity. But Mrs. Hiitola? Not so much. Mostly because it just seems so old-fashioned.

Well, seems I might have to get used to it again. At least when I get notes home from school for my son. Those teachers are all about formality. And Mrs. Hiitola I have become. My husband the Mister. And we stare at each other a bit dumbfounded with each letter about how we became the Mr. and Mrs. It seems so sudden. And makes me feel like I’ve aged a good 20 years. Granted, I have. But let’s not even go there.]]> http://www.omniwriters.co.uk/2009/06/mr-mrs-2/feed/ 0 Call Me Paranoid http://www.omniwriters.co.uk/2009/06/call-me-paranoid-2/ http://www.omniwriters.co.uk/2009/06/call-me-paranoid-2/#comments Thu, 04 Jun 2009 23:06:00 +0000 Mommy Writer - Bethany Hiitola
Scary doesn’t even begin to explain how it felt. Not to mention like I was a complete failure as a mother. How could I have *not* known at Noon that day that he was not going to be able to talk to me later that night because his chest was so tight? Why did I wait so long to bring him to the ER? Why didn’t I just know?

I didn’t. And then I felt like a bigger idiot when the ER nurse scolded me for not calling an ambulance to bring my son in. Aside from the fact we live under 10 minutes away and by the time I called them, he was already being wheel-chaired into a space to be checked. But, again, let’s put that all aside. He survived after a few blood draws, an IV of antibiotics (due to the though of pneumonia), vomiting due to the abuteral treatments, and some more IV for the Orapred to get him breathing right again. The oxygen mask, an overnight stay in the hospital, and some Popsicles and ice cream at his every call (the nurses loved him) and we were back home. Still giving frequent breathing treatments but home and making strides for the better.

Until this weekend when we headed to a family wedding. Suffice to say, the cough came back, so did strained breathing, and so did my paranoia. Maybe it was the residing lecture of the ER nurse, a mother’s (my) intuition to get him home as soon as possible to rest, or just the fact that I, too, found myself with a nasty virus that had me pilfering numerous tissue boxes most of the weekend that drove me to just throw in the towel and head home right after the ceremony.

My son didn’t like the decision--he’d been holding in coughs all morning long in hopes of making the stay as long as possible. The grandparents weren’t happy--we were taking away their grand kids with barely a 24 hour stay. And hell, I wasn’t thrilled to be traveling back 7 hours or so when we only just arrived. But that cough. That pale face. Those pleading eyes. Yes, I thought at dinner on the trip home we might not actually make it home and an ER trip was back in our horizon. And then there was that moment at the gas station when he was coughing so hard he thought he might vomit. Or the coughing fit just before he drifted into a fit-ridden sleep only an hour from home.

Well, it makes you realize that you really are a mom. One that, even though, pretty sick herself, was more worried about her son. Paranoia be damned. Or talks of leaving a wedding party early. It was all about her son. His health. And well, the fact that (thankfully) we didn’t visit any emergency rooms on the entire 7 ½ hour ride home. Or this entire week. All thanks to that little voice in her head that said, “Just get him home to rest.”

Sure it took more breathing treatments, abuteral, cough drops, Kleenex, suckers, and Popsicles than maybe necessary. But we made it no worse for the wear. And next time, I just might have to keep him in a bubble for a while longer.]]> http://www.omniwriters.co.uk/2009/06/call-me-paranoid-2/feed/ 0 Netbookin’ It http://www.omniwriters.co.uk/2009/05/netbookin%e2%80%99-it/ http://www.omniwriters.co.uk/2009/05/netbookin%e2%80%99-it/#comments Thu, 28 May 2009 23:50:00 +0000 Mommy Writer - Bethany Hiitola
HP Mini won out the competition for one reason only--keyboard. I can type on the thing without completely re-adjusting my typing style. Really, I spent hours typing on all the various machines trying to get the feel for the keyboard, what it would be like typing on the thing, if the keyboard was noisy, and… well a myriad of other things one does as a writer when testing a keyboard. And the HP mini won hands down. Mostly because there were no spaces between the damn keys. And secondly, have you seen the nice swirly design on the outside? It’s fun. And it felt so me. Thus, happy netbook owner is in your midst.

Now if the kids stay healthy, and sleeping on their own at night without a bit of prodding, a work schedule that gives me a 15 minute break here and there--you just might see more writing from me right here on this blog. Or in an even BETTER place, more fiction writing from me. That’s right, have some more freebies (finally) that I plan to post on the site. Mostly so I keep writing, and secondly, to see if I can get some followers of my writing. It always helps when trying to get the publishing Gods to notice you.

So, off to type happily away on my little netbook and hopefully produce a story worth posting on the site. And if you are a writer and looking for the perfect writing any-time pal that is fun and stylish and just well… useful. Try one out. Don’t expect your full computer (it’s not), think of it as the portable writing version, and you’ll love it. I’m just dying to use it for more than 15 minutes…]]> http://www.omniwriters.co.uk/2009/05/netbookin%e2%80%99-it/feed/ 0 Weighty Topic http://www.omniwriters.co.uk/2009/05/weighty-topic/ http://www.omniwriters.co.uk/2009/05/weighty-topic/#comments Wed, 27 May 2009 11:41:00 +0000 Mommy Writer - Bethany Hiitola
But this brings up a good point. When I was all over the Weight Watcher thing (pre-kid), I’d lost over 60 lbs. I was eating healthy, exercising a bit and having a good ole time at looking good. Husband at the decent food, but didn’t start a running kick. In fact, I think he had a good time drinking a ton of beer and laughing at my beer-to-water ratio I deemed upon myself so I wouldn’t add too many calories to my daily intake.

Then--time passed, I dropped the diet, had a kid, found employment that was inevitably more stressful, moved a few times, had another kid… deaths in the family… and well, here we are. My husband the new healthy one and me not so much. I’m doing nothing but scolding myself for what I SHOULD be doing to get myself in a better state (about 50 lbs lighter). I think about exercise, about how I should be doing it, and I cook meals that are healthier--and eat them, but yet, here I am. Still sitting on the couch, taking the kids for a short walk here and there, but still feeling crummy.

I’ve taken baby steps at drinking more water and adding more exercise, but overall, the motivation isn’t there. And I am not sure what I can do to GET that motivation to just keep going.

Believe me when I tell you, once I got over the initial hump of eating healthy, it got easier. Much easier. And I felt great. In fact in a month, my clothes were feeling looser. I was able to drop a jean size or two in a matter of a few months. And those compliments thrown my way? Genius! So, I know what’s possible. I know what I can do and what’s possible. But…

Yes, but… I have nothing else to say. Am I not ready? Is it just that it is easier not to think about it?

If I really think about it, I am just exhausted. I am trying schedule everything, get the kids where they need to be every day, tracking homework, diaper needs, reading schedules, soccer games, snacks, dinners, housekeeping, work meetings, deadlines, bed times, bathing needs, and all things that all of us has to do. But to track calories? Points? Minutes I have worked out (miles run)? It’s just another damn thing to track and I am sick of it all. I’ve scheduled out. Completely. And dieting in any form (even if it just means eating healthier) means I have to track yet another thing to get my day moving correctly and I just don’t think I have it in me. At least today. So bear with me while I haul the extra 50lbs around for another few months. Maybe by then I’ll realize the lost weight just might give me the extra kick I need.]]> http://www.omniwriters.co.uk/2009/05/weighty-topic/feed/ 0 The Wedgie That Binds http://www.omniwriters.co.uk/2009/05/the-wedgie-that-binds/ http://www.omniwriters.co.uk/2009/05/the-wedgie-that-binds/#comments Sat, 09 May 2009 22:07:39 +0000 Mommy Writer - Bethany Hiitola actualness of it all, the finality of giving up/trying/COMMITTING to this new endeavor. And it's where I am uncomfortably sitting right now.

I'm going to give up soda. The sugar, the calories, the fact that I obsess over drinking it to keep me awake/happy/someone immune to the craziness called my day job is true to the old adage, I've become dependent on it. And I've probably gained a good 20 pounds in my dependency. So, out it goes. I figure, if I can tackle that hurdle first, then I'll give up my morning espresso drink. But, hey, one step at a time. And they will indeed be baby steps.

For me, these first few steps are not only critical, they are the hardest to take. More than 6 years back I lost somewhere around 60 pounds. The last 30 where quite easy actually--the first? Not so much. I think I cried away the first 10. Seeing the foods I wanted desperately to eat, the drinks, the very fact that I could only have my white mochas one day a week? It nearly killed me. But therein lies the small solution--give yourself what you want (for me it might be a soda here and there, or that damn white mocha). But just not EVERY meal. Even though a burger and fries are easy and quick when I am rushing through my day, it should be an every day solution.

Thus, my start at healthier eating without going crazy about it. First step. Soda.]]> http://www.omniwriters.co.uk/2009/05/the-wedgie-that-binds/feed/ 0 Balancing Act http://www.omniwriters.co.uk/2009/05/balancing-act/ http://www.omniwriters.co.uk/2009/05/balancing-act/#comments Tue, 05 May 2009 21:31:33 +0000 Mommy Writer - Bethany Hiitola
That is no huge admittance of wrong-doing. In fact, I used to work from home 3 days a week or more (in my consultant life, I worked from home full-time unless I was on client site for meetings). The term used to is what is killing me here. Because the used to is even the past tense of this particular job. It was an alternative that wasn't frowned on or discouraged in any way. In fact, it was just a given that a dial in number would be given for every meeting and not to expect that you'd be meeting with everyone face-to-face. We were a dynamic group that worked across the globe, forward-thinking, pro-active in telecommuting... until now. Or well, the last year.

Suddenly expectations have shifted for numerous reasons all tying to staffing, volatile market conditions, the economy, and well, now I am in the office more than not. And it's wearing on me. Me as in the woman/mom/wife that is trying to have what we call-- ALL of life's opportunities. I mean to balance a job that is 45 minutes away from home, the schedules of a kindergartner/soccer player/6 year old son with interests outside of school, caring for a 19-month-old that has to have child care so I can work, and maintain a house and marriage is a tall feat for ANYONE in existence. Male/Female/Super Hero--Anyone and yet, I try to do it all on a daily basis. Sometimes in lieu of fostering friendships with women I have known for over half my life and personal time to just be me.

I worked from home full time (yes consultant) for 2 years WITH my son at my side. It was hectic, oftem chaotic, and tiring all at once. I loved being with him, but my work suffered as did I as I never got down time from work or him. Today, I work more at an office and less at home and sometimes with my daughter at home and sometimes not. It's clear, it's easier, more effective, and definitely better for ME when she's still at day care and I work from home (hell, I get 20 times more work done!).

Let me re-iterate--today, it's become clear there's a price that has been paid. And it's a doozey. It's partly my health and partly my families well being. See, having to dress and pretty myself up to get out of the office is one thing. But then I have to do that with the children too. And rush us all out the door and to places by certain times to make appearances at an office where STILL half the people are at other offices and then we all are on calls anyway. BUT we need to make appearances.

Unlike, my better work at home day today, when I got the kids where they needed to be without rushing myself silly (and raising my blood pressure) without one lick of prettying up besides brushing my teeth and a glancing view of myself in a mirror, getting online and working within 20 minutes (before 8am), answering email, being productive and all that fun stuff and then doing the call thing with those that WERE in the office today and across the globe. And that isn't even going into the details of the load of laundry (or 3) I got done today between conference calls, and the fact that I actually ate a lunch (a healthy one at that) ALL while working very diligently from home. I even got my washer fixed by the wonderful repair man that stopped by about 9am.

The day isn't over yet and I can confidently say I have gotten more done today--work and home wise--than the last week combined because I could focus. Become un-distracted by all things water-cooler related at work, and just do my thing, my way. And now I am missing my old schedule. The one that didn't matter where I worked or when. Just that I worked and got things done. It was something of a balance for me. One that is clearly missing now.]]> http://www.omniwriters.co.uk/2009/05/balancing-act/feed/ 0 You’re a true soccer mom when… http://www.omniwriters.co.uk/2009/05/youre-a-true-soccer-mom-when/ http://www.omniwriters.co.uk/2009/05/youre-a-true-soccer-mom-when/#comments Fri, 01 May 2009 21:56:12 +0000 Mommy Writer - Bethany Hiitola
Yes. I am that soccer mom.]]> http://www.omniwriters.co.uk/2009/05/youre-a-true-soccer-mom-when/feed/ 0